


11:49pm

by atzskies



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Character Death, Guns, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, My First Fanfic, Panic Attacks, Please Don't Hate Me, Short One Shot, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:21:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25461607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atzskies/pseuds/atzskies
Summary: in which renowned producer kim hongjoong and his lover; park seonghwa celebrate their 3rd anniversary together. But somehow, seonghwa has been acting weird since morning and things start finally make sense as the clock hits 11:49PM
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	11:49pm

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first time writing so do let me know what you think! just a heads-up it's heavy angst and yes i cried. ft producer hongjoong and secret hitman seonghwa (YEHSEYSHEY)

Seonghwa woke up in Hongjoong's arms, a soft smile gracing his lips as the admires his delicate features. Their limbs are tangled up together as the morning sunlight seeps in. A sudden realisation hits him. It's their 3rd year anniversary together. Colour drains from his face as he involuntarily tightens his grip around Hongjoong, holding him impossibly closer. The latter stirs in his sleep, lazily opening his eyes and a smile appears on his lips.

_"Good morning baby, how—"_

He sees Seonghwa's furrowed brows, worry slowly seeping into him. _"Hey, you okay?"_ That seemed to shake Seonghwa out of his thoughts before he relaxed and reassured him that he was fine. Hongjoong didn't suspect anything at first, assuming it was just the monday blues getting to him.

But slowly as the day progressed, Seonghwa seemed to get even more stressed and pale, avoiding all physical contacts with Hongjoong. It was until dinner that night, when Seonghwa finally decided to speak up.

 _"Hongjoong I—"_ Seonghwa trembles a little.

_"I'm sorry."_

Hongjoong chuckles a little, _"What is there to be sorry about?"_

Seonghwa contemplates for a while, lips pursed before heaving a sigh.

_"It's our 3rd year anniversary today and I'm not feeling my best, and even neglecting you for the whole day. You must've been very worried.. I'm sorry."_

Hongjoong smiled, reaching out to interlace his hand with Seonghwa's. _"Hey hey, it's fine, you don't need to apologise! we're together and that's all that matters to me. I'll be here with you."_

Seonghwa let out a smile for the first time that evening, but it never seemed to reach his eyes.

The night went on, and Seonghwa started to loosen up a little, but nevertheless still stiff in a way Hongjoong couldn't decipher. Hongjoong wasn't mad at Seonghwa. In fact, he was quite understanding and knew that maybe Seonghwa just needed some time to think. He wasn't going to push the latter to talk and open up if he didn't want to.

It is **11:49PM**. Hongjoong felt _safe_. Being held in his lover's arms while they swayed side to side in rythm to the song softly playing in the background of their shared apartment. Hongjoong made that song for Seonghwa on his birthday, he wrote on the cassette tape:

_'Our song. For us to hear and the world to imagine.'_

Everything was perfect. They exchanged small talks and giggles, breathless kisses and tight hugs. Until Hongjoong whispers,

_"You know I love you right? The day is almost over, but I hope our love continues to blossom even more after this. Thank you for being with me even when we faced so many challenges in our relationship. Thank you for not giving up on **us**. Thank you for making this work. Forever and always, Park Seonghwa. I will be here with you."_

Seonghwa noticeably stiffens, breath hitching before he stops swaying.

_"Wh-what do you mean? Why are you saying this?"_

_"Baby, are you okay? I love you, that's why I'm saying this."_

Seonghwa starts panicking. He lets go of Hongjoong and stumbles a few steps back, whispering, _"No no no please no. Stop it please—"_

 _"What's wrong? Hwa, are you okay? Please, breathe for me."_ Hongjoong pleads as Seonghwa starts to hyperventilate. The latter starts tearing up, hands tugging on his roots, shaking his head vigorously.

 _"NO! PLEASE, GET AWAY FROM ME."_ Seonghwa starts sobbing, tears falling down his eyes as his chin starts to tremble.

 _"Hwa, please. Tell me what's wrong? I want to help you if you'd let me."_ Hongjoong ignores the hushed pleas of Seonghwa trying to get him away, hands outstretched trying his hardest to hold onto his lover, as if that was the only single thread left to hold them together.

There is a high pitched frequency ringing in Seonghwa's ears. He can't _breathe_. And he wants it to stop. He feels his lover's arms trying to grasp onto him, telling him that it's just a nightmare and everything was going to be alright. But instead, it felt like fire on his skin, flinching away from the touch, trying his hardest to move away from the one thing that he tries to protect the most. The consistent murmurings from Hongjoong trying to comfort him was giving him a pounding headache as he finally snaps.

_"GO AWAY! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING AT ALL. I CAN'T STAY WITH YOU FOREVER! I WAS HIRED TO **KILL YOU**. BUT I WAS SUCH A FOOL AND I FELL HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH THE PERSON I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING RID OF! And now.. I can't bear to even look at you in the eye and tell you goodbye."_

Seonghwa whips out a glock from his back pocket, pointing it at Hongjoong. His hand is shaking, trembling, and so so close to dropping the gun. But he holds on. His vision had been blurry ever since his first tear dropped, but now he refused to see anything at all. He tightly shuts his eyes and looks down, afraid to see the one thing he loved the most, standing in front of the gun that he was going to fire in another 2 minutes.

Hongjoong gasps, instantly moving backwards until he feels something, anything. Anything to give him a sense of safety and support.

_"B-but why? Who made you do this? Why me? If you knew damn well you weren't even supposed to get close to me because your only job was to get rid of me, why did you approach me that day and initiated a conversation with me? Why did you make me.. fall in love with you?"_

Hongjoong inhales shakily and continues.

_"No. Why did you have to look so angelic that day, why did I have to fall in love with your eyes.. why? you should've killed me when you saw me that day. Why didn't you?"_

Seonghwa looks up at him.

_"What do you mean, 'Why?' don't you know how amazing of a person you are? Do you really not see how beautiful you are? I knew it was wrong but I still approached you. I can't help it Kim Hongjoong, you're just too mesmerising. I fell for you. I felt so happy when I was with you, I forgot my whole purpose of seeing you in the first place. These 3 years, I've never thought about it at all. Everything clouding my mind was you, you, you. But they found out."_

He finally lowers the glock, a defeated look on his face.

_"They found out I was lying to the client saying that I had others before him so it would take a while before I could attend to his request. They knew we were together, and the client wasn't happy. I begged him to let this go for once, especially since i was helplessly in love with you. But he wouldn't let. He said if I didn't do it myself, he would do it himself. And today.. is the deadline or else he would take matters into his own hands."_

There was a heavy silence in the air, tension evident and many unspoken words hanging on the tip of their tongues. Hongjoong was the first to speak up.

_"Do it. Just. Shoot me. You don't have a choice. I'd rather die and have you to be the last person I see. I want to remember your god damn beautiful face. I want to spend my last breath with you, even if it means that I have to leave first."_

Hongjoong steps forward, hands leaving the table that he was desperately holding onto. He looks up and stares at Seonghwa with a sad smile gracing his lips, trying to blink away the tears blocking his view of seeing his beloved. He hears Seonghwa sob even louder as he starts to approach him, hands once again outstretched to grasp onto him.

Hongjoong touches Seonghwa's skin, fingertips burning into him. It was the same fingers which used to lightly glide and sooth Seonghwa's back when he had a bad day and ended up crying in his arms. The same fingers which he'd kiss everytime Hongjoong couldn't think of anything to write during the ungodly hours at night. The same fingers he'd interlace with every time he got a chance to.

Seonghwa still has his eyes shut. He slowly peels them open but looks everywhere else but _him_ , and he can feel his insides flipping inside out. He wants to puke. He doesn't want to do this anymore. Why can't he live a life without worries with the man he truly loves? Why was he so foolish to pick a job like this?

Hongjoong could hear the gears turning in Seonghwa's mind, but he knew better. He reaches for his hand holding the glock, lifting it up and pointing it to his heart.

_"No matter what. My heart will always beat for you, and I will always find a way back to be with you Park Seonghwa. Always."_

Seonghwa finally looks at him in the eyes, and he doesn't know if Hongjoong was actually smiling or his mind was playing games with him. _"B-but Joong—" "Shh baby, it's okay, everything is going to be fine. I'm not afraid, I know you're a strong person, you can do this."_

He stopped crying, Seonghwa wasn't sure when he stopped, but he did and he can feel the pounding in his head, begging him to just stop thinking. He shuts his eyes once again in fear, looking away and trying to tell himself that all of this is fake, he would wake up in the arms of his beloved and start the morning right, after a cuddling session in bed.

But the pain, guilt and regret is flooding his veins, he feels his pulse beating in his head like a consistent banging, repeatedly telling him how real all of this is. In normal circumstances, he would've chuckled and pulled the trigger so easily without hesitation, watching as blood pooled around the lifeless body. _"Another one down"_ he would say, before leaving the body to be collected later.

_"I can do it myself. I'll do it for you. Tell the cops that I committed suicide from all the hate I was getting, being a public figure has it's consequences too. It's okay my love, look away and close your eyes. It won't take long. After that, just run. Anywhere away from this place."_

It was oddly funny, how Hongjoong was the sane one in this situation, guiding Seonghwa through his usual job routine. Something he was supposed to be familiar with and an expert at. But now, it seemed as if they switched positions and Seonghwa couldn't even stand properly at the sight of himself holding a gun against someone.

Seonghwa was about to interject and yell at Hongjoong about how stupid he sounded but nothing came out. He was supposed to be running away from him, and not staying here reassuring him that it was okay. He was supposed to be calling the cops on him and putting him in jail, but here he was, standing in front of Seonghwa with a reassuring smile on his face, helping him get his job done.

Seonghwa takes a breath and tries again. _"Hongjoong, no, I love you more than you'll ever know. Please just run away while you can. Don't look back please just—"_

**_BANG._ **

It happened all in a flash. Seonghwa felt something pushing against his finger, the same finger that was on the trigger. He didn't have time to react, or even think before a loud bang resonated within the apartment. Seonghwa gasped, eyes shooting open and head whipping to look the one thing he dreaded to see, laying on the floor motionless.

His hands drop to his sides, gun slipping past his hands and onto the floor. He could feel his blood run cold looking at the sight in front of him, legs buckling as he dropped onto the floor, fear evident in his eyes.

 _"No no no please no—"_ Seonghwa starts sobbing, harder this time. _"Please wake up, come back to me. Please.."_ Seonghwa is full on crying now, tears falling nonstop as he crawls towards Hongjoong as the blood starts to pool around his body.

 _"Why did you pull the trigger.. You could've just ran away and I'd let you. We could've ran away together."_ He sobs again, tears streaming down his face as he holds Hongjoong's lifeless body close in his arms, cradling him as he continued to sob.

4 minutes have passed. It is now 11:58PM. So much happened in a span of 9 minutes and Seonghwa feels numb. He knows the neighbours heard the gunshot, he knows the police are on their way. They'll get to him before his Boss does, and he's internally glad for that. He gently places Hongjoong's body down, caressing his hair one last time before shakily standing up and heading for the gun.

He picks up the gun, loading it with the spare bullet he kept in his pocket. Seonghwa couldn't live with the guilt, he couldn't live without his source of happiness and euphoria. He couldn't live without Hongjoong.

Seonghwa cocks the gun, lifting it up towards his heart. It's 11:59PM. For the first time that day, Seonghwa smiled. It was small, but genuine. His smile was one of going home to his lover's arms. He looks around him. A pool of blood on the wooden floorings, the empty dishes in the sink untouched after their dinner, the cassette tape in the radio softly playing the last few seconds of the song and _him_. Laying in a mess of red, bright red crimson stains on his shirt— correction, Seonghwa's shirt. And yet, he looks ethereal. Just like the first day he met Hongjoong, his soft honey skin and plump lips, long thick eyelashes carefully sitting above his eyes which fluttered gracefully every time he blinked.

He can hear his laughter echoing in his head, it sounds so free and welcoming, Seonghwa wants to hear it forever. He has decided.

The clock strikes 12:00AM, it's the end of the day, their 3rd year anniversary. Seonghwa notes the time and whispers, _"Is it too late to say happy anniversary?"_

He chuckles.

_"Well.. I guess that would be something I should be apologising about, I know you'd be furious if you knew."_

Seonghwa smiles to himself, picturing Hongjoong standing at a mere 5'7" having his arms crossed and brows furrowed, a pout gracing his lips as he sulks about Seonghwa never being able to remember special dates, continuing to blabber on about how he was busier than Seonghwa, having to produce songs, help in recordings and writing of lyrics and yet, he can remember better than him.

Oh, how he misses that, his comfort and _his home_.

Seonghwa closes his eyes, picturing Hongjoong standing a few feet away, face lighting up once he sees Seonghwa. His hands are wide open for him, and he decides that he wants to feel safe and loved again.

_"Wait for me my love, I'm coming back home to you. My heart will always beat for you too. No goodbyes, but see you soon, Kim Hongjoong."_

Seonghwa inhales, trying to remember the scent of _them_ , their memories, their forever and always.

The song comes to a stop, a few seconds passed...

**_bang._ **

**Author's Note:**

> end.
> 
> uh... that was a wild ride.. :D i hope you enjoyed!! do let me know what you think and i am (not) sorry for the ending hehehehe


End file.
